Thirty Seconds

By Doris Born

At twenty-six years if age I was eight months pregnant with our fourth child. We had a four-year old, a three-year old, and an almost two-year old. As if that wasn’t crazy enough, I also had a part-time daycare child - another two-year old. It was a busy time and most of my daily activities revolved around child supervision, cleaning and wiping counters, faces, hands or bottoms. I often had at least one child clinging to my pant legs, either wanting my attention or just randomly tattling on the others. I clearly remember feeling that every moment of the day was consumed by someone needing a bit of me.

Right in the middle of this stage of my life I learned a people-principle from a parenting talk show on the radio that I have used throughout the continuing story of my life. Now, it’s been a while since I was 26, and quite seriously, the fact that I can remember anything from that stage of life is nothing less than miraculous (remember… I was pregnant then), so I may not explain the principle exactly as it was taught. I remember the host challenging parents to practice a 30 second rule. When a child is fussing at your feet, or seems to be acting out unreasonably, just drop to one knee and look the child straight in the eyes, and listen to his complaint. Chances are, after 30 seconds the child will be satisfied that he has been heard, and he will go back to his activities.

So… I tried it. I had a child hovering by my side, whining in that indiscernible language, at that unbearable pitch. I was in the kitchen (I mean, where else would I have been?) with my hands in dishwater when I remembered the 30-second challenge. I took a deep breath and dropped to one knee, which is a lot harder than it sounds…remember, I was pregnant. There is a lot of surface area to be maneuvered and significant mass to be shifted when an eight-month pregnant woman shuffles down to the floor. And that is if she can even see the floor. So I was actually practicing an act of faith as I transferred the weight of my encumbered body to one leg and then eased myself down, hoping that my knee would not be crushed on impact (and also praying that the spot where I landed was void of lego!).

Squatting awkwardly, so I could actually look my daughter in the eye, I was greeted with a look of complete shock. At first I thought it was the magnitude of the action, or just the magnitude of me in front of her that caught her off guard, but then I realized it was my interest that surprised her. Clearly this child was not used to having the attention of my full face (and trust me… it was a full face at that stage of pregnancy!). Sheepishly, I realized my kids mostly speak to my back, or, more in-line with their level of sight… my butt. Without digressing to fat bottom jokes, I do have to point out - who would want to talk to that? I conceded that I rarely gave my children my full attention. I multi-tasked their questions and needs with household chores, preparing meals or tending the never ending pile of laundry. My little girl was literally speechless when I dropped to her level, looked into her eyes, and gave her my undivided attention.

“What do you want to say to Mommy?” I asked. It took her a few moments to collect her thoughts, but with a clear voice and expressive eyes, she stated her concern. And I listened. She wasn’t really wanting my input, she didn’t need me to solve anything; she just wanted to be heard.

Forgive me… but throughout this whole exchange with my daughter I was counting seconds. I was willing to try the 30 second challenge, but I could only be a beached whale, down on one knee for a designated time…especially when I realized there was no crisis to be solved. So, you can imagine my surprise when I had not even yet counted to 10, when my daughter gave me a smile, turned on her heels and headed back to her play time. “That was it?” was my first thought as I started the difficult tactical exercise of ascending to a standing position. (At least heading down to the floor was aided by gravity!)

In the following years, I have been continually surprised. Truly, 30 seconds is an exaggerated time allotment! When we look our kids in the eyes and give them our full attention, it doesn’t take very long to convey that they are important. It also doesn’t take very long to hear what they have to say. In the toddler years, this 30 second challenge became the end-point of most of the whining. I didn’t always practice it - I did learn the art of “tuning out”, but for the most part, just dropping to one knee and looking my kids in the eyes became a practice that I tried to implement in my parenting. I continued it through teen years, as well, but instead of having to drop to their level, I ended up looking straight into their eyes as their height caught up to mine!

These days, I have to look up to catch the eyes of most of my kids, but I still do it. I desperately want to be a mom that gives them my full face. When there are things that require discussion, we can broach the subjects head on… because we’ve been facing them throughout their lives.

So, take the challenge. Today, drop to one knee, look your little one in the eye and listen… and count if you need to. 30 seconds will likely be more than enough time.

Now, this giving of your face-full attention is exactly what our gracious Heavenly Father does for us, his children. (Are we ever surprised that great parenting tips are actually based on how God interacts with us?) In Numbers 6:24-26 God gave a special blessing to be used with His people. You may have heard it as a benediction:

“The LORD bless you and keep you, the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

His face shining upon us. Doesn’t that give us the clear example of God’s direct attention? It is like sunlight that encompasses our being; the sunshine of his attention and love spilling off his countenance onto ours. And then, in an effort to be even more specific, God turns his face towards us. He drops to one knee, so to speak, looks directly into our eyes and gives us his full face. And the direct result is clear – he offers us his peace.

The next time we feel like we are just clinging to the peripheral being of God, we need to take a moment and allow ourselves to imagine our Heavenly Father turning his face towards us. He promised that he would keep us, so we need to allow ourselves to envision God looking us right in the eye. Then we tell him exactly what we are feeling. Irrational, irreligious or even impertinent - God hears it all. He turns his face toward us in our pain and helplessness, and in full understanding and love he faces us. Then, in an act that can only be described as gracious, he gives us his peace.

Because he is a perfect God, he will not limit his attention to 30 seconds. But quite honestly, when we walk and talk with God in the moments of our lives, a 30 second prayer is often all that is needed to regain a sense of his peace. If we are abiding in God, when we hit those moments of needing his attention, it is amazing how a 30 second connection is really all we need. It doesn’t replace the time and dedication that God wants from us in concentrated prayer and worship, but it is definitely how he wants to walk through each day with us as we live life in his strength.

So in the next 30 seconds, imagine your heavenly Father turning his face toward you. Trust in his grace and allow his face to shine on you. Give him your worries and let him give you his peace. It may be the beginning of a lifestyle of enjoying 30 seconds of grace and peace…for everyone.

Doris Born, along with her husband Will, is on full-time staff with FamilyLife Canada. The Borns represent FamilyLife throughout the BC Mainland, and also speak at FamilyLife's one-day conferences. They live with their four children in Salmon Arm, BC.