Who's Having the Best Sex?

By Glen Hoos

The joke goes, "What's the best food to curb your sexual appetite?" The answer? "Wedding cake."

Cynical, yes, but that about sums up our culture's outlook on married sex. You've got to have your fun before you get married, because it's all down hill from there. But is that really what's going on in the bedrooms of our nation?

There's no denying that as a country, our sexual morality has loosened considerably over the past few decades. A recent Ipsos-Reid poll published by Canwest/Global News revealed that 73% of Canadians do not believe that sex should necessarily be reserved for marriage. The numbers among teens are even higher, with 85% having no moral objection to sex outside of marriage.

The stigma is gone. Swinging bachelors (and bachelorettes) are the norm, and almost half of all couples live together before walking down the aisle. On the surface, there seems to be good reason to think that singles are getting more action than those who have settled down.

It's time to turn that assumption upside down.

Contrary to the anecdotal evidence, recent studies by prominent researchers show just the opposite to be true. Unmarried men and women lag well behind married couples in their sexual satisfaction. As Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher write in their book, The Case for Marriage, "Married people have both more and better sex than singles do. They not only have sex more often, but they enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally. Marriage, it turns out, is not only good for you, it is good for your libido too." Who knew?

The numbers break down like this. According to the National Sex Survey, 43% of married men report having sex at least twice a week, with only 26% of single men making the same claim. For the women, the numbers were 39% for the married ladies and 20% for the singles.

Furthermore, 42% of the married women surveyed indicated that they find sex extremely physically and emotionally satisfying, compared to 31% of single women. And for the men who think that having a variety of sexual partners is where it's at, here's a newsflash: 48% of married men are extremely satisfied with their sex life, compared to just 37% of single men.

Clearly, the element of commitment is a more critical ingredient to a great sex life than many people today realize. Mind you, that's not to say that it's always easy to maintain passionate love with your spouse. If we're not careful, familiarity can lead us to get stuck in some pretty big ruts. We've got to keep working at it if the fire is going to stay lit through a lifetime together.

Fortunately, this is one time when work can be rather fun!